Emotions
by Rae chan1
Summary: Complete. Heero looks upon his emotions, and finds out that he can be human, if he tries. 1xR


Emotions

By: Rae chan

  


Heero stared up at the ceiling of the Gundam boys' current safe house. The missions weren't stopping; this one required hiding Relena with them to prevent her death. She had numerous terrorists after her, wanting to kill her and end the shaky peace that had only recently been established.

The Gundam pilots hadn't exactly _offered_ to take her in. The former Queen of the World had Quatre brought to her, and then she begged. The blonde boy gave in and told the other boys the 'good news', which resulted in groans of disapproval or complete silence.

And now it was silent, Heero thought while staring up at the ceiling. He splayed his fingers behind his head and sighed deeply, relaxing on his _own_ bed. Relaxation wasn't an emotion he felt often, and when he did, another emotion--feeling--came over him: utter bliss.

Whatever the cause of these rare emotions, Heero decided, he could definitely live with them.

The stoic pilot closed his eyes. For a moment, he wanted to _feel_ and not _think_. His emotions controlled his outlook on the kind of silence that would rule his week; whether it would be a peaceful quiet or a tense silence. The peaceful quiet was generally a nice, calm, _soothing_ quiet. The tense silence made the people around him stay away... a stop light in front of him, keeping those he knew away from him. 

Senses in him awakened. Touch. He could feel the warmth of his body lying on a comfortable queen bed, the silky strands of untamed hair between his calloused fingers. Sound. Noise... chatter was coming from downstairs where the other pilots and their 'mission' were. Popcorn being made on the stove, interrupting his thinking.

Smell. The faint smell of his cologne drifted towards his nose, causing him to inhale the substance. Another smell of tea and cake came up from the kitchen. Taste. His tongue traced the outline of his teeth; then he swallowed, tasting the sleepy-time tea he had just shared with his friends. As Heero began to drift into other thoughts, he remembered.

Sight. Heero's eyes flew open. He looked around the moon-lit room for any certain signs of life, but only found the small tabby cat that lay next to him on the bedside table. One sliver of light managed to escape the door, shining on the kitten.

The beam landed awkwardly on it, lighting the orange and white stripes of fur and the two mismatched eyes; one of them green and the other blue.

What was this new emotion that Heero suddenly felt? He had the urge to smile, pet the cat and cuddle it until peaceful slumber pulled him in.

He didn't know. Maybe it was admiration. The way the cat looked at him- almost _down_ upon him. How the beast could make him feel so insignificant, and almost, on the bottom on the food chain.

Now, Heero remembered, he had the chance to let the Perfect Soldier mask down, and let himself show. Never, unless in the presence of an innocent animal, would he show himself as human. But now it might not be safe, he thought as his hand reached for the fur, stroking the soft velvet.

When the kitten's head turned to look at him, and then licking his hand, he knew. It _was_ safe.

"Here kitty," he whispered in a hoarse voice, "C'mere. I won't hurt you." The cat opened its mouth and yawned, proudly showing off short, pearly white fangs. "It's okay," Heero said, moving his hand back to his side, "Come here," he cooed while patting the blankets beside him.

The tabby got up and stretched, lengthening its body to show off its greatness. But in reality, this proud cat was only a kitten, just passing two months old. It padded across the mattress to where Heero lay, then stopped and curled up into a ball, right in the curve of Heero's stomach.

  


Half an hour later, Heero was curled around the cat, fast asleep. Soft purring echoed through the room as they both drifted into a dreamless sleep.

It was three in the morning now, and the other pilots had gone to bed, including the hyper-active Maxwell. Only Relena lie awake, staring at the ceiling wide awake, in much of the same way Heero had done only a few hours ago.

She closed her eyes briefly, and she almost fell asleep. But one of the many visions of Japanese boys crossed her mind, followed by a wave of fear.

What if something was wrong with Heero? she thought. Hopefully there was nothing wrong with him.

Calm finally settled in her mind. Of course there was nothing wrong with Heero. And she wouldn't be worried about him.

  


Suddenly, a yell was heard from the room Heero was in. Relena sat straight up on the couch she was sleeping on. She heard a choked sob follow it, and she immediately went to go see what was wrong.

Heero's door opened slowly. Relena peeked around the wooden barrier, looking for the Japanese pilot.

A shivering body lie on a large, queen-sized bed. His dark black hair was matted against his forehead--sweat rolling down the sides of his face. Despite all this, he was shaking uncontrollably. And beside his lay a small kitten; eyes wide with confusion and fear.

Relena walked beside the bed and looked down upon the teen. She placed a comforting hand on his forehead and another on his tank top-clad chest. Heero's skin was cold and surprisingly pale against the bright moonlight shining through the window next to him.

She brushed her hand down his cheek, spreading the cold sweat. His mouth opened again to yell something, but he rolled over and curled himself against the cat again. Relena watched as the cat squirmed out of his grip, meowing when he caught sight of her.

The Vice Foreign Minister pulled back the warm covers, covering the sleeping teen in them. A muffled groan came beneath them, then a familiar Japanese hand came under them and grasped the fabric of Relena's dress.

She almost screamed at the gesture, but she shied away from it, only gasping for air. Her hand moved to his, curling around the taut fingers. She finally pried from his grasp and fell into a chair across the room.

This woman was no longer naive. Her ways changed after the wars and after her father died. She didn't desperately want Heero anymore, which was a big improvement. Relena realized that Heero was incapable of human emotion, and for that, she would stay out of his life forever. 

And she did. It had been a whole one and a half years later, when only then was her plea for help. _Only_ then. And it even wasn't to Heero, the hero of the story himself. It was Quatre. Not being stupid, she knew that he was the only one she could depend on.

So here she sat. Next to the man she _used_ to love, but she knew, deep down in her heart, that she could still love this man.

  


//_What's wrong Heero?_//

//Hn.//

//_Please, tell me. I need to know. Why do you keep pushing away from me, your wife?_//

//I cannot love you, Relena.//

//_*sudden pain in her eye* But you know that I love you! You should know that!_//

//Goodbye for the last time, Relena.//

//_Please, Heero! Stop! You are hurting me!_//

//Pain should be felt. You had nothing but peace. It is time you feel the pain that your people did.//

//_Heero, no! *cracking sound*_//

//I have killed Relena Peacecraft.//

//**You have no idea what you have just done, Heero. You destroyed a Peacecraft.**//

//I am aware.//

//**That was not your mission.**//

//Hn.//

//**Are you not affected?**//

//No.//

//**You should be.**//

//Why?//

//**She loved you. You were supposed to feel love for her. Now the training needs to be reset. But we cannot bring the princess back. And do you know who's fault that is?**//

//*silence*//

//**Yours! You will never be able to say that you *didn't* kill her, because you did!**//

//Hn.//

//**Get in there! And don't expect to get out for quite a while!**//

//Mission... accepted.//

  


Heero kept tossing and turning on his cold sweat. These type of dreams came during a mission, when the pressure was on. Duo knew about the dreams he had, and purely by accident; he was sworn to secrecy by Heero, and never again mentioned it.

His yell echoed through the room again, awakening Relena for the third time in two hours. An arm went flailing up and slammed hard into a wall, his face not even flinching.

Relena's eyes grew wide at the cracking sound pierced through her mind. What could Heero be doing to himself?

As dawn broke, Heero opened his eyes and suddenly felt pain. And pleasure. Mixed emotions rippled through his battered body.

He thought about the dream he had last night. No- correction. Nightmare. A terrible, awful nightmare. Though not about the past, or present, but future. _His_ future.

Now all he could think about was the dream. He never noticed that petite woman at the window, staring up at the sky. At least he _didn't_ know until he turned his head towards her.

"Relena..." was his throaty groan. Why was she in his room? That's when he noticed his arm in a sling, a patch over one eye, and his legs and uninjured arm tied to the posts.

"It's okay, don't move," she said quietly. "You hurt yourself last night. It's a good thing I was here, or else you might have killed yourself. And I mean that quite literaly."

But why was he tied up to the bed in this fashion? And why did he suddenly feel like he did when he was around that small tabby cat? Was he feeling... inferior to this _woman_? He also took note her hair shone in the early morning sunlight, her eyes sparkled when she looked at him, and she wasn't acting like she had a childhood crush on him anymore.

"Why am I tied up," he asked in monotone, which made it sound like more of a sentence than a question.

Relena took a seat in the chair across from him, gathered a small piece of hair and twirled it between her fingers. Old habits were hard to break, she decided. "I knew when you woke up, you would probably shoot me, so I tied you up to the bed. Plus, if you did any more thrashing than you did before I tied you, you might have broken more bones than you did already."

Heero was almost speechless for the amount of words she said to him. Of course he hid this and muttered, "Hn." The most that Relena had said to him in a private conversation was about a sentence or two, but now, it seemed, she acted more mature and at ease with him.

"And," she added, ignoring his comment, "I took your gun."

Heero's eyes widened suddenly and he searched mentally in his head for where his gun was. _Under the pillow... to the left..._ But he discovered that it wasn't there. The princess wasn't bluffing. Just smiling at him with one of Duo's grins. "Where is it."

Relena grabbed the kitten off a pair of dresser drawers and placed it in her lap. "Oh, in the drawer. I just didn't want you turning around and using it on me." She petted the tabby and continued talking. "You can understand that, right?"

"Hn." He wasn't in the mood to play games, let alone _hers_. But there was something new to her, almost foreign. Like the fact that she didn't want him to kill her. During the war, it seemed like that was the only thing that would make her happy. Now, he thought, she has grown up, to face the real world that stands around her. 

"Heero, there is something I want to ask you," she said, breaking the tense silence. She waited for some form of rejection, but realized that he couldn't say no anyway, so she continued.

"If I let you free," she said, reaching for the rope bindings, "what will you do to me?"

The stoic pilot opened his mouth, about to say 'kill you', but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "Hn."

"Okay, then." Relena, to his surprise, began to untie the ropes that bound his ankles and wrist. When he was free, she helped him sit up in the bed, sitting next to him. "Better?"

"Hn."

"I'll take that as a yes." She couldn't help but look into his Prussian blue eyes, almost like diving into them head-first.

Heero's Deathglare seemed to soften under her gaze, and he quickly turned his head. He pretended to study his broken arm, which was being held in a sling.

Relena cleared her throat because of the uneasiness that surrounded her. "I guess you should go see a doctor. I heard Sally was in town and we could take you there to get it reset-"

"I do that myself." Relena frowned and muttered a silent 'of course' under her breath. He heard it and decided to explain himself. "You cannot be seen in public."

"Then the other pilots can take you."

"No."

"Suit yourself."

"Hn."

"You know, you should quit saying that all the time."

He muttered to himself, 'no'.

"I heard that!"

"Good."

"What's wrong with you?"

He grabbed her arm, and suddenly the dream flooded his mind again.

  


//_Please Heero! Stop! You're hurting me!_//

//You should feel pain.//

  


__"Heero! Stop!" Relena watched as her arm began to turn purple and blue under his fingers. "_You're hurting me!_"

He suddenly eased his grasp and dropped his arm all together. A new emotion- one he had never felt before- came into his mind. No, it came into his _heart_. He didn't know what had caused it. Maybe it was the fact that he almost relived the dream of killing Relena Peacecraft. Maybe a word could describe it...

Relena looked once more into the addictive blue eyes and felt hers start to well up with tears. Heero had _never_ tried anything like that before. _Ever_. And as soon as she thought there was a place for this man in her heart, he had to go and do this to her.

"Relena- I-I..."

She turned her head and whispered, "Don't even try. You don't know what it's like being human."

"I would if... if you taught me." His glare turned into a stare, then it softened and watched as she turned her head. This wasn't the Heero Yuy that she knew. Not at all. He was acting... _strange_. Like he actually _wanted_ to know what it was like. She thought about the possibilities of making him human, perhaps training? No, that would be too hard, and close to impossible. 

"What do you want to know?" she asked, betraying her thoughts. If there was something he could learn now, maybe it would be for the better.

"There is something..." he whispered to himself. A word formed in his mind, one that he had seen in the movies, had seen around him with Milliardo and Noin, Sally and Wufei, Lady Une and the late Treize. "Love."

Relena never knew how one word could sum up everything she believed in, let alone the one thing that had never happened to her. She kept her eyes focused on his as she whispered, "I don't know."

Heero's eyes suddenly closed and he took a sigh. It was the only thing he needed to become the human that everyone wanted, and as close as he and this girl- woman- were, she couldn't explain it to him.

"It is because I have never been in love," she explained nervously, twisting her hands in her lap, "Although I wish I had been, it never would have worked."

Heero grunted as he pushed himself up against the headboard of the bed, and watched with uncertainty as Relena helped him. She was close to him now, and he admitted to himself, he rather liked how close. "Who was it?"

"Even though you might want to know, I do not wish to tell you. It is i the past, and I am willing to forget it." Her eyes met his and she looked down again. 

Disappointment was written all over her face, Heero noted. He lifted her chin and made her look at him. "Then forget the past."

"It isn't as easy as it looks, but I suppose I can try..." Her lips were close to his and she swallowed the large lump of nervousness that had built up there. She licked her dry, chapped lips and closed her eyes, knowing that she shouldn't be this close. She then tried to back away, but Heero's hand kept her there.

"You talk too much." His lips barely touched hers, but it ignited a fire in both of them. Relena was uncertain of how to kiss, this being her first, so she leaned into it and pressed against him. She listened to his groan and broke away from the kiss, breathless.

Heero was in love. That was the emotion he must have felt. Love. The sound of it rang through his ears, making him want to jump off the bed and carry this woman to some unknown place and stay there for the rest of eternity. A tightening in this stomach reminded him that her hands were on the inside of his thighs, making them very close to his masculinity. "Re-Relena..."

Her eyes opened, and she saw that Heero was a flushed red color, like that of which someone gets when sunburned. He must have liked it, she thought to herself. She brought her face up to his and moved her lips to his ear, breathing warm air as she spoke. "Yes?"

He couldn't find the right words to say. The only thoughts that crossed his mind was that she was beautiful, he was in love, and she was so near to him that he could... 

"Do it again?"

  



End file.
